this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
