it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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