I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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