i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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