you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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