He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
