if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
