i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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