Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
