Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
