my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize