Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
