I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I could make wine with my vomit
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
