you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize