Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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