If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed