Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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