You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
