I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you win again, gameday.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
