note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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