Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
