Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
