OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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