I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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