ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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