I'm lost and stupid without you.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
