Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
