idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
