guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
