I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize