Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
