I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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