all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
