It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize