So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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