hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
