yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
