she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
