Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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