Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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