i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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