I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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