you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
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i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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