i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
