And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
