This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
