If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
