Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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