What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
His hands were made for my vagina.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
