I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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