The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
