you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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