ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
