What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
