My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
