Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
