Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
