I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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