it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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