And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize