This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
