Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
