I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
