This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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