the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
