You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dignity is for republicans.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
