Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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