I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
