i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I wear drunk well.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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