Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
